She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
