I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
