HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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