She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
