reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
