he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
