no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
