made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize