i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
