i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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