I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
