where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im six kinds of drunk right now
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
