Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
