I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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