Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
