bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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