Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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