There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
