you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can I color on your dick again?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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