thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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