You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he quoted the bible to break up with me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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