It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
