Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
