Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She bit a glass in half.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
