At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
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I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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