Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
