I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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