Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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