You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
