I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
