please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
should my penis look like a turkey
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
