My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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