South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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