Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
