farters have to be the big spoon...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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