actually, I'm a sock model
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Alive.
So much puke
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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