i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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