Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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