I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
