She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
