I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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