Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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