Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
