can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
