How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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