I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
