Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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