Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
