I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
