I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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