My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
