I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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