Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were trust falling into bushes
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
