I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
