Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
