i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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