Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
