i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so let's talk penis.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
