This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
