i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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