I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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