hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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