So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
