Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
