i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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