The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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