i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
