Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
