what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
