im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
