I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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