just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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